remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
