I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
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Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
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I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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