dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
