Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i think im in europe. pls send help
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
