he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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