I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize