Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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