I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
