I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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