We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
