whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
