GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
cat food counts as protein by the way
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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