God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
