in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
