Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Alive.
So much puke
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
