dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize