So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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