Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
