You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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