My room smells like vodka and shame
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
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