My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
