Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize