My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
