So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
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They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
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A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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