Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
