Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Randomize
