if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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