i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
