every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize