I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
