THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
