he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
