there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
