I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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