My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
