He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
