I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I came so hard my ears popped.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
