chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
