I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
