I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
