let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
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I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
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That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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