Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
This girl is more easily done than said...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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