I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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