She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I am spending my child support on dildos
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
