we were pretty classy up until the second keg
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
try to milk me bitch
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
