First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
