there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
