i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
