I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.