So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
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Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
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Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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