apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love