it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.