He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.