i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
