i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
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I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Sorry my hands just texted you
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
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THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My bed smells like the plague
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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