sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
