it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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