It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
