I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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