well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
ttyl tear gas
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
