what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
