Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
