I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
