I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
