either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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