you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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