he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
