It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
