she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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