Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
